By The Weigh

I wanted to wait and write this blog until after I had my first weigh ins at both Ton of Fun and TOPS. Yesterday was that day. 

I am not going to hide behind the number on the scale. I haven't for a long time. I realized that a number is just that...a number. It doesn't define me or who I am. However, it is a big deal in who I am and the person I want to to become. So, it is time to just set the person inside of me free. 

I started last year at TOPS with a weight of 199.75 and end the year with a weight of 205.75. I pretty much just stayed between 202 and 205 all year. Not going much beyond that range. It would be great if I was maintaining, but as we all know on a 5'3" woman, that weight is still termed "obese". Time to do something. 

Jan 4th was the mandatory weigh-in for Ton of Fun from Fleet Feet. I went in that day. I had on a great lightweight outfit. It was the morning. I just assumed that my weight would be withing the "normal" range that it had been at TOPS all the last year. I just about threw up when their scale read 208.4. What had happened?!? Well, THIS was NOT going to go on!! Not any more! This was NOT going to be the year I just let it all go. 

So, I became serious. Even with a snow storm that left us home bound for several days, I stuck to the plan. I couldn't go weigh in with TOPS or a second weigh in with TofF because of the snow so I stuck it out. We made a trek to Bloomington on Friday to do my second weigh in with TofF. I was nervous. Had I done OK? 

My first weigh in at TofF went well. I lost 3.6 lbs. I was happy with that but it was met with mixed emotions. I was 204.8. Good number, but a number I had seen a lot over the past year. I knew that number well. This is where the rubber met the road. Could I pull this off for the long term? Can I do this to make it worth it all? Just time will really tell. 

Because I do not live in Bloomington, I am going to weigh in on Tuesdays at TofF hopefully before going to TOPS. This is what I did last night. I was so nervous. It had just been a few days since my last weigh-in. I had one day where I was really off. I probably ate close to 3000 calories if I was really honest. I have done weight loss before but I have not really done it to this level. So, I took a deep breath, opened the doors to the store and stepped inside. 

I lost another 4.4 lbs for a total of 8 lbs lost in 10 days. The scales read 200.4. Yes...that number was one I haven't seen in a while. Now my worry is...is it too much to fast? Once again, only time will tell. However, I have been around weight loss and people losing weight for a long time. I think a lot of this is water weight. I'm also not too worried at this point. I have been doing most things correctly other than the one day slip. Sometimes the body just is ready to take on a new challenge. 

Now onto the TOPS weigh-in. The first weigh-in for TOPS is unique. It neither counts for you or against you. In the long run, it does matter, but for the year, it only can 'help' you if you gain and then lose it so to speak. They do not recognize what you lose between the last weight of the year before and the first weigh in of the year. So, I could have waited to do anything about my weight until after my first weigh in at TOPS. It would have really "helped" me to be at 208 and then lose the 8 lbs through TOPS. However, I chose to do what was best for me. I'm tired of manipulating the numbers and the system to try and win anything. So, I did what I did for the best of me. I weighed in at TOPS, on their scales, at 200 even. It showed a loss of 5.75 lbs from the last time I weighed at TOPS. 

Now it will be interesting to see what I will do next Tuesday. I won't be able to weigh in at TOPS do to another commitment. However, I will be going to weigh in at TofF. I know that my weight will not be coming off as fast, but I do hope to be below 200. I sure want to be in "onederland" and stay there...FOREVER!!

I do have an article of running clothes that I bought at a garage sale that was too small. I haven't tried it on in a long time. I need to try it on and see how it fits. My goal is to be able to wear it this summer. If it is appropriate, I will take a picture and post it. I also need to find some other "goal" clothes as well. 

WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY!!!

Chicken Tortilla Soup

So, part of joining the Ton of Fun Challenge, we get a newsletter with lots of great tips and ideas. One thing that was in this week's newsletter was a recipe for Chicken Tortilla Soup. Here is the original recipe.

Ingredients

• 2lbs. of boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1" cubes
• 2 TBS. olive oil (good extra virgin olive oil)
• 1 onion, diced
• 4 garlic cloves, minced or chopped
• 3 15-oz cans fire-roasted diced tomatoes (or regular diced tomatoes)
• 4-6 cups chicken broth (I prefer homemade, but store bought will work, just be sure to buy no sodium added or low sodium versions.  It's always better to add your own salt to the dish so you can control it.)
• 1 handful of cilantro, chopped
• 2 teaspoons of cumin
• 1 tablespoon of smoked paprika (regular paprika will work as well, smoked paprika just adds a nice complex flavor)
• 2 chipotle chiles, diced with some adobo sauce (if you need this recipe to be gluten free, omit this step and use 1-2 jalapeño peppers, diced instead)
• 1 pkg. of spinach or any type of leafy greens (Kale, chard, collard greens)
• Salt and pepper to taste

 

Optional toppings

• Avocado chunks (adds a healthy fat that will fill you up and keep you full)
• Crushed tortilla chips or fried corn tortillas (minimally add for a little crunch)
• Shredded cheese (Mexican blend, jalapeño jack, Monterrey, etc - again, just a little)
• Red Onions
• Green Onions
• Sour Cream (will help with the heat but adds calories and fat that you may decide you can do without)
• Radishes (adds a nice crunch to the soup and radishes have great anti-inflammatory benefits

 

Heat oil in a large stock pot over medium heat and saute the onion until it becomes translucent, then add the garlic and cook for a quick minute.  Add the chicken, salt and pepper and cook until the chicken is no longer pink.  Next, add the chipotle chiles (or jalapeños), cumin and smoked paprika and cook for 1-2 minutes. Then pour the tomatoes over the chicken mixture and continue to cook for another minute. Add the chicken stock and reduce the heat to low.  Cook for 20-30 minutes to let the flavors "marry".  Add the leafy greens and cilantro just before you are ready to serve and allow them to wilt. Serve immediately and top with additional toppings.  

 

I had decided that when I started this challenge that I was going to make every recipe that they offered. A "Get Out Of My Comfort Zone" Challenge in and of itself. I also was going to have my family try the recipes as well.

 

Today, we were on Day 2 of sub-zero temps and it was as good of day as any to attempt this dish. For those that don't know me, I am not a chef. I am not a baker. I can do these things but I don't enjoy it. However, like I said, "Get Out Of My Comfort Zone". Not only was I going to do this soup, I was going to go "all the way" and make my own broth. Why not? I had time.

 

First, I had to go shopping. My first choice was between fresh or already chopped. Do you know how much cheaper just one onion is vs fresh already cut up onion? Crazy!! So, my youngest and I went on a little shopping excursion around the veggie department. We were even surprised to find that fresh cilantro was in better shape than "fresh" cut-up cilantro. Next, picked up a whole chicken. Finally, we got the spices and the rest of the soup's ingredients.

 

I get home. Get my stock pot out. Put the chicken in with some water and spices. Set to boil. All is right with the world. Right?!? WRONG! I get researching how long to boil a chicken. Did you know that you need to take out the neck and the "innards" of the chicken BEFORE you boil it? RUN to the kitchen to remove all that. WHEW!!

 

So, I finish boiling the chicken and cutting it up. I strain the broth. How did I miss that "innard"? UGG! Oh well! Go to workout.

 

Came home. Started putting the soup together. We made some changes. We cut back on the "heat" of the dish. I was worried that the younger children wouldn't even touch it if it was too spicy. *sigh* I shouldn't even have bothered, but it is about making lifestyle changes. I bought kale instead of spinach.

 

So, we go to eat the soup. I cut up an avocado but I'm the only one who adds it. The younger two who are so used to processed foods have a hard time even thinking about taking a small portion of soup. However, I have to them at least try it. I even have cheese and sour cream. The oldest and hubby take it as well. Three bites and you can make something else. The youngest picks out every sliver of onion she can find. It's almost comical to watch her. Pre-teen son is so stiff you can just feel the tension coming off of him. "EAT IT!" "Do I have to?" (whiney voice) "Three bites. Yes." He takes bites that are as small as possible and most of it is cheese. UGG!! Really?!? I told him that every week I will be getting a new recipe and we will be trying them each week. He starts crying. OH FOR HEAVEN SAKES!!! It isn't worth it. They both go and make sandwiches.

 

Now, for the rest of our takes on the soup. The kale made the soup too bitter. We should have made it with spinach. I didn't add as much garlic as the recipe called for. Probably could have added more. I probably would add the chiles next time just for a little kick. Hubby added his own hot sauce.

 

On my one status, it was suggested to cook the chicken in a slow cooker. I might have to try that next time. "Also, a really easy way to make homemade chicken stock….Put a whole chicken (take out the insides! :) in a crock pot along with an onion, carrot and celery all roughly chopped (just adding flavor to the stock). Sprinkle some salt, pepper, garlic powder, cumin, coriander and paprika over the chicken. Add water to an inch below the top of the chicken (approximately 3-4 cups of water). Turn the crockpot on high and cook for 4 hours or low and cook for 8 hours. Once it is done, you will have cooked chicken and stock (just strain the liquid and use!)."  Good to remember!!

 

So, for easiness of recipe...I give it a 2 out of 5. But in all honesty, I made it harder than it could be. If I had bought pre-cut stuff and chicken breast, then it probably would have been 3 1/2 out of 5.

 

So, for taste of recipe...I give it 3 out of 5. Change the kale and add a little more spice. It would change there as well.

 

Here's to more where this comes from and next time...maybe the "processed" kids will take more of a liking to the recipe. :0)

"If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging."

So the age old debate happened recently, use this "old" blog or start a new one. However, I decided there was so 'nuggets' in the past couple of posts in this "old" blog and to throw it away was just not right. My journey did not really start in March 2012, but it is when I decided to really "Set Myself Free." I really had a great year. I lost almost 30 lbs. I took up running. I really had a great year. Then, 2013 happened.

To say that 2013 was a "horrible" year would be to put a huge disservice to myself and to my body, but for the scales and my weight. It was a "horrible" year. I pretty much stayed the same. I go to T.O.P.S. Which stands for Take Off Pounds Sensibly. I started the year around 199 and gained and lost around 5lbs all year. I ended the year with a weight of around 205 lbs. Great if I had a goal weight of 200lbs, but REALLY?!?

Ok...let me back up some. I, mean, to understand 2013, you have to understand some things. First, I got really serious into competitive running. I do say "competitive" with some tongue in cheek because I did come in last a LOT and I was usually in the bottom third of most races. So, to say I was "competitive" it was mostly with those in the back of the pack. I don't regret that because it was all a learning experience and each race was a lesson in humility and humanity. Every finished proved that I could be more than I could ever be. However, the nutrition for me was a HUGE learning curve. I also found that I retained water every race. It was a blow to my system and I just found that I wanted to eat, eat, eat after every race. I had/have a hard time with the nutrition before and after a race. Then, I started training for a half marathon. I just could not, once again, get my nutrition done pat. I started to try drinking a nutrition shake to see if it would "help" with my goals in racing, nutrition and weight loss. Then, I had the biggest set back of all. I started getting sick. The worst was after drinking the shakes, but it hurt after eating. My energy level fell and I just crashed. Everything was falling apart. When I say everything, I mean, everything. The training, My "attempt" at losing weight. Any "want to" to pay attention to my nutrition just flew out the window. I just didn't care. I had no energy to care. I really put on a good act to those around me, but I just hurt and hurt a lot. I was then diagnosed with Celiac's Disease. What a blow! Now I really, really have to pay attention to what I could and couldn't eat. I started eating junk that was gluten free. YEP! Just because it stated it was gluten free did NOT mean it was good for me and healthy for my body. I craved foods I couldn't have. I was grieving my "old" life, my "old" habits. As a food addict, this was tough. All the foods I ate that I deemed "healthy" were no longer "good" for me. As a food addict, I stuck to a very rigid food schedule. I was thrown into a panic. What to eat? What to do? Going out to eat became tough. Many days I just did not know what to do. Also, I did not know how to fuel before the half marathon. I did not know what to eat the week and day before. I did not know what to do to fuel during the race. It became a frustrating struggle and I beat myself up constantly. There was no good "diet" books that helped me. There were no resources that told me how to eat gluten free and still lose weight while running competitively. What have I become? What has my body done to me? I started to blame all my years of binging on this. I was being punished and punished severely. I could find no peace. All the while the scale stayed the same. THE SAME! Well...Kinda. It went up and down but it was within a few pounds. It never went over 205 and never below 202. FRUSTRATING!!!

So, here I am a few days away from 2014. I had two choices. 1) Keep digging my hole. Keep feeling the frustration of never knowing what it was like to be 'set free.' or 2) Stop digging. Start climbing out.

 

 

 

So, what is the first thing to do? Make resolutions? Nah! Goals. Dreams without goals are just wishes. I have several goals for 2014. The major one for this blog is to lose weight. Now the "power" of goals is they need to be S.M.A.R.T. Specific...Measurable...Attainable...Realistic...Timely.

 

To say "I want to lose weight" is not "S.M.A.R.T." So, here is my "S.M.A.R.T." goal.

 

~~I want to lose 60 lbs by December 31, 2014.

 

 

Is it Specific? Ummm....yes.

 

Is it Measurable? Yes. How will I measure it? I will weigh myself at least once a week. My "official" weight will be through T.O.P.S. on Tuesday nights. However, I have also entered Ton of Fun through Fleet Feet which is good because I can "earn" my entry fee back by losing 10% of my body weight by the end of March. That would roughly be 20 ish lbs  which would put me on track. Totally doable.

 

Is it Attainable? Well, I have never, personally, lost 60 lbs in a year. The most I have ever lost in a year is 30. However, I know many people who have lost 60+ lbs in a year. So, yes. It is attainable. It is a little over a lb a week. A person can lose, healthily, 2 lbs a week. So, 60 lbs a year, is attainable.

 

Is it Realistic? This is probably the hardest the say. Like I have said, the most I have ever lost in a year is 30 lbs. However, in the "real" world, it is realistic. It is totally plausible and doable. If I stick to a great nutrition program and workout. I know it is realistic.

 

Is it Timely? I am giving myself a year. I am giving myself plenty of time to get my goal in. There is no unrealistic expectations of dropping crazy amounts of weight before the summer hits or even expecting to lose the 60 lbs before the Ton of fun ends at the end of March. So, I feel that giving myself a year is a good time frame.

 

I am a Type A personality. I can tend to get really down on myself for not achieving my goals. I had a great goal of getting this weight off this year and feel like I really blew it by not getting the 30 lbs off that I wanted to have off by now. I have to look back and see that this year was an anomaly. I will never have to be diagnosed with Celiac's again. I already have. I may run into other "issues" and it's OK. I will have to re-evaluate at that time. However, with the information I have now, this goal is perfect and perfectly attainable. I am ready to go. I have the tools and the knowledge to get it done.

 

 

So, when does all the "fun" start? Well, I have been doing a good job keeping track but I don't officially weigh-in for the Ton of Fun till Jan 4th and my first official weigh-in for T.O.P.S is Jan 7th baring any weather or "craziness" on my end.

 

So, here goes this crazy journey. By the way, I have found peace with my diagnosis, and that has helped A LOT! I do not feel I am missing out (too much) on the foods I can no longer have. I have done a lot of research. I have done a lot of experimenting on what helps with fueling before and after racing. Life has become peaceful with my food and me again. LOL Hopefully, I will be able to upkeep this blog more. Hopefully, I will get "new" starting pictures and "new" clothes that I would like to hopefully fit into as this journey unfolds. Welcome again to my crazy life. As Katy Perry says "Your gonna hear me ROAR!!!"

I'm Gonna Set The World On Fire

For NOTHING is impossible with God. Luke 1: 37

Last blog, I really cried out and poured out my heart to the world. Last night at the book study, I once again came home and said "I can't do this. I can't keep going in there and feeling like I'm the only one making a fool of myself." Eric got mad. He thought I was telling the ladies that I was a manipulator. Then I got mad because it has always been about that with my family...perception. What others thought. Did you talk too much? Reveal too much? Make them talk about you when you left? The book said to go one day without living with other's expectations. Expectations...spectmatations! BLAH! I've always been The Preacher's Kid. Eric's Wife. Hannah/Alex/Jillian's mother. Sister. Whatever the role required...I was the person. The only thing that did 'expect' ANYTHING from me was food. Glorious, yummy food! Having a bad day...food was there. Wanting a retreat...food was there. Didn't ask anything of me. Didn't get mad at me. Didn't expect anything of me. It tasted good. It looked good. It smelled good.

Now, the sad thing would be that you read this and think..."Oh Kristi, this must be an awesome revelation to you. What a break through!" And I would tell you...NOPE! I've known this for a long time. I've journaled about it. I've struggled with it. I've talked about it with counselors and friends and weight loss groups for years. It's no new revelation, but I keep going back to the devil himself. There are times I've cried as I put food into my mouth KNOWING this horrible thing about myself and my relationship with food. But it was so comforting to have that food, whether it was chocolate or that cheeseburger in there melting whatever was bugging me, that the tears didn't last long.

Today is Day 3 of eating healthy. It is also the week before my period. Men just don't get this time before. Usually the week before, I am a mess. I am a mess of emotions and that leads to eating. PLUS, I am tired which leads to eating. PLUS, all chocolate is magnified and needed and wanted and craved which leads to eating. However, a real miracle has happened the last couple of days. I have not craved any foods. I have not craved chocolate at all. It's not because I do not have chocolate in the house. My house is full of chocolate goodies...Girl Scout cookies, candies, ice cream. Plus, I am a big girl with access to money and can go get whatever my hearts desires. I have not craved an overload of sugar in my coffee. I haven't even had coffee for two out of the three days which is a small miracle in and of itself. I have not craved McD's breakfast. I have in the past looonged for their breakfast and sometimes all I can do to think about how I can taste, even "healthily", a breakfast sandwich. I am hungry but I am not craving and that is a big difference. I feel at peace with what I am doing.

Another area which I have managed a little peace is the scales. In the past, if I would go on a big get healthy, lose weight adventure. I would weight myself in the morning and at night. I didn't set myself any "rules" in this area. However, I am not getting hyper vigilant in weighing myself. I did weigh this morning and according to my scales I am down to 226 which is a loss of 4lbs since Monday morning. It doesn't surprise me since most of it is water weight. I did 'revise' my goal for my doctor because of that new number. Originally, I had that I wanted to weigh 220 on the 18th of April (my next appt), but I really wanted to reach for the stars. So the new goal is to weigh 215 by the 18th. Totally doable!

Now to quit crying and being so dramatic at Tuesday night's women's group. LOL Of course, I did tell Eric I secretly think it helps some of the women who don't have time to read and do the 'homework' by watching me be "pruned" every week by God. Who knows? Maybe next Tuesday I'll make popcorn and sit back and watch myself. LOL

I'm Lost

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ -- the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. Philippians 3: 8-9

Today was my first day of eating properly today. There was very little struggle with eating what I should. I was surprised. I thought I would want more and be more upset that I would need to eat more and struggle with the inner conflict that comes every time that I try to become healthy again. This time it feels different.

Of course, I cannot have something "feel" different without contemplating it and analyzing it and wondering what is going on. Always before Day 1s have been "fine" because I have done a lot of planning and anticipating but today just felt different. I have been doing a book study and last week God spoke to me through that book study and told me what He want to chisel from my life and that was my disobedience and using food to replace Him in my life. Yet, today...I still had to think on all of this.

The first picture you saw as me on Easter when I was at my lowest weight. I was probably around 185-190ish. The second picture is NOT my highest weight but is where I tend to hover and that is around the 230 mark. I stayed around the first mark for several years, so I know that I can be that weight and be happy at that weight. It is doable and was not a momentary weight where I just have a few snapshots of me at that "low" weight. As crazy as my life was and there were stresses, my life was 'stable'...just like that weight. Oh sure...I would have loved to be lower, but I was happy.

In mid-October 2004, I found out I was pregnant with my third. I was told after my son that I would probably never have another baby without medical intervention. Here I was pregnant without medical intervention. In late-October 2004, my father was arrested. Those two events threw my life into such a tail spin that life as I knew it was gone. My family as I knew it is no longer. My church family was upset by all that and my own faith in God was shaken to the core.

Until today...as ABSOLUTELY CRAZY AS IT SOUNDS....I didn't realize it. But I was...am...lost. I lost my core identity as a person. Since then, I have not been able to even get close to losing the weight. I have lost my love of teaching. I drift and feel no real connection to the churches I go to. My "AHA" moment came to me today. I. AM. LOST. I had a nuclear meltdown of myself in 2004/2005 and I have been fighting to get myself going again and until today I haven't realized that I was soooo lost. My weight was a barrier to it all. Food was my comforter through it all.

I am afraid to lose weight. I am afraid to get to close to my church family. I am afraid to get to close to my own family again. I am afraid to build it all back up because I just cannot...CANNOT...take another core meltdown like that again! I cannot...CANNOT...take being let down by my family...by my church family...and even feeling like God let me down again. That is what hurt the most...feeling like God let me down.

But it is time to rebuild that core and let God comfort me more than food. What is FEAR? False Expectations About Reality. There are no guarantees in life and I know that. I live with humans. I am a human. However, my food is NOT my God. My food is NOT my comforter. My food is NOT my provider!!! THAT is something I can write with confidence tonight!!

Goals...Goals...Goals

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

Day 3 of blogging about going toward my pursuit of trying to get healthy and you would think by watching me that I wasn't doing much in that endeavor. Well...that would be a yes and a no. I did several things today to get ready. One was to visit my doctor. Had to get the all clear. That is important. I got the "sticker shock" of weighing 230 on her scales. Did I expect anything less? Golly no! LOL But it was about 8lbs more than what I weighed on her scales just a month ago. Embarrassing...yes! I did not have any excuses for her. I told her that I have spent the last month grieving my life but I was there to move on.  We talked about my eating plan. I told her that I wanted to start eating 'clean' or at least more organic than I have been. I also am going to start following WW point system because even on a cleaner/organic eating plan, a person could really blow calories out of the water. She was agreeable to that.

Now on to goals. All reasonable weight loss plans will tell you that you have to have goals...reasonable, attainable goals. I cannot even begin to tell you all the goals I have set in the past. I have set measurable goals. Goals with time limits on them. Goals that were scale related. Goals that were non-scale related. I am an analytical person. I have had 'schooling' in writing goals. I can 'goal' with the best of them. I have written short-term goals. I have written long-term goals. I have written long-term goals with short-term goals with objectives and time tables as to when I wanted to reach those objectives. Yet, I sit here today never, ever, never, ever having met hardly a one of those thousands of goals I have written in the past. So, I feel a bit of a hypocrite writing another goal or even wanting to think of another goal to reach. BUT I know that I just cannot "launch" myself into space without having something to reach and something to attain.

I do know one goal that I made when I turned 30 that I wanted to meet by the time I turned 40 and that was to run in a competitive race even if I came in last place. I set that goal 7 years ago. IT is still attainable. THAT is one goal I still can meet and reach with this endeavor.

I have another doctor's appt on April 18th. I really want to knock her socks off with my weight loss. I'm thinking 10lbs off by then would be a great attainable goal.

Other than that...my goal is just to start turning to God instead of food. To learn that my life is more important than food. I want God to chisel away at my insane desire to hide from life, from others, from Him by using food and my weight.

One more goal is to just blog every day. I want to hold myself accountable for my own actions. I want my life to be a reflection of my inner self. I want to one day see my inner self stare at me from the mirror and that is not happening right now.

Trying To Leave Egypt

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

I'd like to say that today is the first day of the rest of my "healthy" life, but no...it is not. Even after all the great things that happened yesterday...the blog...the dream/vision...the pics. I still did nothing. I 'thought' about what I was going to do today. I 'thought' about what I was going to change. I 'thought' about what I would eat different. I 'thought' about what exercise I would do. I had residual issues from the migraine yesterday. I didn't get up in time to do what I needed to do before I had to leave to meet someone. So, breakfast consisted of a sandwich from Casey's (not healthy!). I was too tired to eat lunch and when I got up I did not eat healthy. Yet, here I sit typing on this blog. Have I given up already? Am I going back to the addictions? Well, I had another dream. Maybe it was reflective of the books I've been reading lately (The Hunger Game series) or maybe it was God speaking to me but I had to come and tell you my dream.

It was a battle field. I saw the diets that had failed me. Books. DVDs. Videos.Names of websites. But they were not dead soldiers. They were weapons. Some were not good and were broken. Some were still good and could be picked up and used again. I realized that I have never been able to fully cross the Red Sea and get to the promise land. I have seen people do it. I have also seen people cross the Red Sea, get to the promise land and then come back into slavery. They were even more enslaved than they were before they crossed the first time. Even when a knight isn't in battle he still carries his sword with him. It wasn't that I had "lost" the war...I just left my weapons. I let them lay there. No...not all of them are good. Some even harmed me. But some helped me. Some where what I needed to get me to the Promised Land. I need to plan. I need to pick up my 'weapons' every day. Another 'weapon' I need to start doing is to encourage others. I told that to the woman I met with today. When I encourage others, I am encouraged myself.

OK...first things first...go through my 'weapons' and plan my battle of attack. And as always...NO MORE putting myself down! NO MORE saying today was not profitable! I may not have 'cleared' a healthy eating day but the breakthrough might be more than I've had in the first day. Here's to tomorrow...